The East Valley Unsanctioned Crit (EVUC)

The East Valley Unsanctioned Crit (EVUC) is a fun neighborhood group ride.  No permits, no insurance, and you are riding at your own risk! If you crash, no one is picking up your medical bills but you! If you don’t like the sound of that, you do not have to ride! Completely informally and very unofficially brought to you by Bike Accident Attorneys. #baaracing

The Basic Gist

The East Valley Unsanctioned Crit is held every 1st and last Thursday night of the month. The idea of an underground crit is not new to the cycling world. In fact, Tim Flemming (a.k.a. Eatmore Cheesecake) has done an outstanding job of organizing the Underground Crit held out in the west valley for years now. With his permission we are patterned much of our crit after his tried and true methods. We even stole language right off of his website (www.undergroundcrit.com) because he said we could. Thanks Tim! Any chance we can recreate something that already works well is better than trying to reinvent the wheel. Updates and announcements will likely always be made via the Facebook Page: East Valley Unsanctioned Crit. You really should follow us there.

Here is how the East Valley Underground Crit will roll: There is an A group and B group portion as well as strict rules (see below). Cyclists should begin gathering around 6:00-6:15pm. Race pace A Group is at 7:00pm. The course is located right off the 202 and Germann Rd (Gilbert road exit on the S 202) where the old Focus Crit was held. Parking is anywhere in the nearby empty parking lots off of Stearman Dr. An address is: 2055 S Stearman Dr, Chandler, AZ 85286. Please be aware of cyclists when you drive into the neighborhood / crit course. When riding on the course please be aware of any potential traffic.

The A Group

The A group goes 2 neutral laps and then they drop the hammer. If you get dropped, stay to the FAR right, wait for the group to come around and feel free to jump back in (don’t jump back in on the front of the group – jump in on the back!)

In order to keep the ride safe, we will not sprint at the end.  The ride will just shut down sometime around 7:30pm.  This should keep the pace fast and strung out. Guess what you win when you cross the line… absolutely NOTHING!  So don’t take any unnecessary risks on a fun neighborhood group ride!

Bottom line, fasten your seatbelt and try to hold on for dear life. Try not to vomit either. No one wants to see that.

The B Group

The B group goes 5 neutral laps before it picks up speed. It goes for about 35 minutes, and then we will shut down the ride sometime between 6:45 – 7:00 p.m.  In order to keep it safe, there will be no sprint.   This is for beginners, casual cyclists, and people looking to get some exercise in.  If you find yourself off the front, attacking constantly, and not even breaking a sweat, here is a newsflash for you,  You are not a B rider!

Any categorized racer (if you race, you are automatically an “A rider”) can sit on the back of the B group to warm up, but you must be dead last.  If the group is very large, we will separate the B group from the A group so the A group can warm up safely away from the B group (2 groups on the course at once).  This should allow the B riders enjoy their ride.

The Rules

The East Valley Underground Crit is a fun neighborhood group ride.  No permits, no insurance, and you are riding at your own risk! If you crash, no one is picking up your medical bills but you! If you don’t like the sound of that, you do not have to ride!

With that said, there are a few rules you’ll want to follow to ensure that the Underground Crit is a good time for you, and everyone else:

  1. Don’t be “that guy.”
  2. If you get dropped, stay to the far right. Not the left, not the middle, not sort of the right, but the far right! When the group comes back around, you can just jump back in. Just make sure you don’t get back in on a breakaway group, or the front of the main group. If you do, see rule number 1.
  3. When it’s dark, you must have a front and rear light. IT’S THE LAW!
  4. Don’t put your foot straight down on any turn or you’ll clip a pedal and launch yourself into outer space.
  5. Don’t overlap wheels. When following a rider, your front wheel should never come up on the left or right side of someone’s rear wheel.
  6. Don’t yell at any cyclist out there.  This goes for other group rides as well.  If you want to yell, yell at a car that cuts you off.  We are all on the same team out there.  Cyclists need to stick together.
  7. Do not put your hands on other riders in the group.  You are not a pro.  This is not the Tour de France.
  8. Ladies have no rules. Guys – you should learn this rule if you are planning on getting married.
  9. When attacking, stay to the left. Slow riders should be on the right. If you think it’ll be too dangerous to attack, then don’t. Remember, it’s just a fun group ride.
  10. If you complain about anything, see rule number 1.

The Course

Remember that comment about this being a group ride with zero prizes for whoever wins…? STILL TRUE. Please be careful out there when on this course. The roads are public roads. We do not own them as cyclists. The course may change so watch the FB page for updates. Finding a safe location that is not built out yet and busy with businesses or homes is difficult often requiring location changes after a few months.

For now the East Valley Unsanctioned Crit is a 3/4 of a mile loop. It is located right off the 202 ad Gilbert road where the old Focus Crit was held. An address is: 2055 S Stearman Dr, Chandler, AZ 85286. It is possible that an occasional car may decide to drive by – so watch out for cars. There are stop signs. Ignore them at your own risk and check for cars. Don’t be that guy. Parking is available in many of the adjacent business parking lots; please do not park on the course.

The strava segment map is here:

With that said, other course issues you should consider:

  1. No Bathrooms out here so do your business before you show up!
  2. No water, so bring at least 2 bottles!
  3. Neutral environment! All athletes welcome!
  4. If you get dropped, stay to the far right. Not the left, not the middle, not sort of the right, but the far right! When the group comes back around, you can just jump back in. Just make sure you don’t get back in on a breakaway group, or the front of the main group.
  5. When it’s dark, you must have a front and rear light. IT’S THE LAW!

Nutritional Advice for Racing Fast

From the nearly immortal words of Tim Flemming who literally loves Cheesecake: “Listen closely!  I’m going to save you a ton of money that you have been spending on all those seminars, doctor visits, coaches, books and training manuals on how to eat right.  Ready?

If you eat fruit, vegetables, organic foods, trail mix, and all that other healthy stuff, you will go fast!

If you eat twinkies, skittles, snickers, beer, taco bell, and other unhealthy stuff, you will go slow.

Got it?  Genius right?

P.S. – Well maybe the beer is ok.”